I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
