im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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