I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
