Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
