Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
