I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
