I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
