Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize