Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize