Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
