you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
