There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
