i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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