i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize