Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
