There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
