they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize