She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
