i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
