how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
