How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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