put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
