I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
