Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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