so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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