I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
