Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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