Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
