she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Someone signed my nipple.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
