the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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