super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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