I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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