I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
