i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
