i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
