I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
