Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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