Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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