So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
