On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
