Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
