some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
