Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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