I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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