She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
