i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
