I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My feet surprised me
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