My balls are so social today.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
