I could make wine with my vomit
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He has the fingertips of a God
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