he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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