We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
