i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
