also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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