So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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