It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
