call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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