so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
