when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
