Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
