I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize