Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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