y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
