Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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