In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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