i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
