I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
