Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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