You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
