dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
